Fondest Memory
by dontyouwantit
Summary: Sirius has been trying to woo Remus all the wrong ways Bad language, bit o' fluff, slight dub-con not really Also, not mine, lay no claim to anything save slightly questionable plot, don't sue


Sirius Black was desperately in love with Remus Lupin.

He'd kept it a secret for quite some time, the entire year, in fact. Although it's probably safe to say that Remus had a fair idea of how Sirius felt now. It's also probably safe to say that Sirius possibly could have found a better way to express said love.

"SIRIUS!"

"Erm… yes, Moony?" Sirius looked up at his (hopefully still) best friend wondering if there was any way he could calm him down.

"WHAT THE – what the fuck was that?" Remus caught himself and lowered his voice dangerously.

Sirius looked around the common room where he had run from the irate werewolf. Remus' outburst had turned a lot of heads, so Sirius strode over to the stairs and entered the dorms with Remus right behind him.

"Well?" Remus' voice could have cut glass.

"How was your day, Remus?" Sirius attempted obliviousness.

"If you don't explain yourself in the next minute, I will kill you." However it proved ineffectual.

"Well, Remus, you see, the thing is, I'm rather fond of you."

"And _that_ is how you show it?" Remus hissed.

Sirius gulped audibly as Remus stalked over to him.

"I put up with a lot of your stupid shit, you know, Padfoot."

"Like what?"

"How about when you trip me up so you can grab me and rub your cock on my arse? Or when you _accidently_ walk in and _borrow_ my towel while I'm in the shower? What about when you tripped and managed to shove your hands down my pants? And don't think I don't know it's you who stole my blankets and spelled my curtains open last week."

"Well, I can't help it if you sleep naked, Remus," replied Sirius, trying to placate the other boy.

"But you can help spelling all of my clothes away while I'm asleep." Remus spat.

"Sorry?" Sirius proffered.

"And now this! Just…" Suddenly all the fight went out of the other boy and he sat down heavily on his bed "just, why, Sirius?"

The mixture of confusion and despair in the other boy's expression made Sirius' heart break.

"Remus, I told you, I, well, I really like you…" Sirius trailed off as Remus laughed harshly.

"Is it to humiliate me? Is that it? Is it some stupid bet you've made? Why do you keep doing these things to me, Sirius? Is it… Is it because I'm a werewolf? Do you think I don't deserve to keep my dignity?"

Sirius blanched. He never realised his antics had affected the other boy to such an extent. He tried to order his thoughts as tears started trickling down the other boy's cheeks.

"Remus. Remus, look at me." He caught the other boy's chin and locked eyes. "Remus, I did all of those things because, well, probably because I'm stupid, although I'm not joking when I said I cared about you. And it certainly has nothing to do with you being a werewolf. It's more like you're so…respectable. You're so dignified and virtuous and I'm not joking, Moony, it's like I could never be good enough for you, so I tried to be … bad enough for you? It doesn't make sense, even to me, but I really like you, Remus."

"Why didn't you just say so? Why did you have to humiliate me like that?" Remus whispered.

"Merlin Remus, I never meant for today to happen. Even I know that was too far. I just couldn't think of a way out of doing the spell. McGonagall was set that we all had to practice it in front of the class."

"So that really was your fondest memory, then?" Remus' voice was still meek, but it was getting stronger.

"Oh yes, Remus, Merlin yes."

"I thought you'd somehow worked out a way to modify it and you were just playing with me again."

"I would never do something like _that_. Well I just did, but I wouldn't do it on purpose."

"So you really do? Like me, I mean?"

"More than I should, Remus. All I can think about is having you, holding you, taking you. Making you moan and writhe underneath me and claiming you as mine."

Remus' eyes were saucers and his breathing had quickened. Sirius realised he'd probably just scared the boy away for good and hung his head. Remus' next words were whispered so softly he almost didn't hear them, but when he did his head shot up.

"I think I wouldn't mind awfully if you did, Sirius."

"Moony are you sure? Because if you aren't don't-"

"No, I'm sure, Padfoot."

"And if this is, well I guess I couldn't really blame you, but please tell me this isn't a joke, this isn't your revenge. I'm not sure I could cope with that Remus."

"I could never do that, Sirius."

Sirius hung his head when he thought about the implications of Remus' quiet reply. It would not be unheard of for Sirius to do something so cold, but Remus? Dear sweet innocent Remus? Who Sirius had been casually violating for the last three months. Sirius was a-wash with shame as he re-lived some of his less than fine moments.

_"Hurry up, you two!"_

_"Oh shut up James, we're coming!" Sirius retorted._

_He grabbed Remus and pushed the smaller boy out the door. Remus' bag caught on the door handle, but Sirius shoved him, nearly tripping the boy up. He grabbed his waist before he fell, accidentally rubbing Remus' pert bottom on his crotch. The light touch made Sirius all sorts of aroused and he couldn't stop his hips from rutting briefly against the boy before he could force himself to pull away._

_"James, wait!" Remus cried, blushing bright red and shooting a confused look at Sirius._

_Sirius couldn't get the feel of Remus' arse out of his head. It was no good, he _had_ to feel it again. Or at the very least, see it._

_"Remus, hurry up! Other people need showers too!" Peter whined._

_With a wicked grin and a half-baked plan, Sirius pushed past Peter and strode into the bathroom. He swiftly shrunk Remus' towel and clothes and stuck them in his pocket. Grinning to himself, he left the bathroom. Settling himself on his bed, he waited._

_After fifteen minutes, Peter and James had given up on showers and had gone down to dinner. Sirius waited in silence and was soon rewarded. _

_"Guys? Anyone there?"_

_Sirius didn't answer and soon a wet Remus ran from the bathroom to his trunk, scrambling to grab his clothes. Then grin dropped from Sirius' face as his eyes took in Remus' naked, dripping form. He must have made a noise, because Remus' head whipped around, staring at the other boy. He covered himself with the shirt he held in his hands and flushed bright red. Neither boy spoke, just staring at each other until Sirius rose and went down to dinner. Remus' eyes followed him all the way down, full of embarrassment and confusion and shame and something Sirius couldn't identify._

_Months had passed since the shower incident and not a word had been said about it. Sirius had continued to find ways to touch the other boy, though. Brushing against him as they walked, tackling him on the grounds, leaning into him as they sat at meals. He had even employed his 'trip and catch' method just to get another touch of the creamy skin. Every time he did though, Remus would shoot Sirius _that_ look and then look down, refusing to meet his eyes until the other boy pulled away._

_Convincing himself that the unidentifiable aspect of the look was lust, or some other form of attraction, Sirius set about devising wilder plans, growing steadily bolder. On this occasion, the two were walking back from Herbology after being kept behind for talking. Well Sirius had been talking to Moony, who had been trying to shut him up, but no matter, both boys were told off._

_"Sorry you were punished as well, Moony"_

_"I've learned to accept it as just another part of being friends with you and James, Padfoot."_

_"Yes, well."_

_They walked in silence and Remus strode off ahead of Sirius. Suddenly Sirius tripped and grabbed the other boy on his way down. They hit the ground, Sirius lying on top of Remus, with his arms caught underneath. When he saw the colour of Remus' face he suddenly realised exactly where his hands were trapped. He'd successfully managed to shove them down the other boy's trousers. Remus' jumped up, untangling the two. Shooting Sirius _that_ look, he raced off towards the castle. Sirius sat in shock before a grin spread across his features. His plan had worked._

Sirius shook his head, now that he understood the elusive element of Remus' expression, he didn't care to think of the most recent thing he'd done in his quest to… whatever it was he'd been trying to achieve. Remus hadn't been looking at him with lust, he'd been looking at him with fear. Fear and resignation. Remus honestly thought Sirius believed that because Remus was a werewolf he didn't deserve any respect, that Sirius thought he could just use the other boy for his own needs. Had he been expecting Sirius to ramp it up even further? Did he think one day Sirius would rape him? Would he have let it happen? And the worst thing of all was that Sirius had confirmed it. Every fear Remus had, Sirius had done his darndest to confirm. _What the hell sort of friend am I?_

Sirius hadn't realised he was crying until Remus gently brushed the tears away with his thumb.

"Why are you crying, Sirius? I said I meant it."

"I know, I know and that just makes it worse." Sirius jumped up, needing to move around. "I'm so stupid! I can't believe I honestly thought I was somehow _wooing_ you, Moony! You! You deserve poetry and sunsets and I fucking steal your clothes and shove my hand down your pants! How can you even look at me? Let alone tell me you like me!"

"But Sirius-"

"No, Remus, I was so stupid. Such an idiot. And you! You just took it, like it was your due! When you're worth so much more than that! How far did you think I'd go, Remus? How could you even bear to be around me? How could you let me do this?"

"Sirius, I'm sorry -"

"DON'T APOLOGISE! Oh my God, Remus! Don't you dare apologise to me for what I've done. I was the worst kind of idiot. Tell me though, how far did you think I'd go? And how far would you have let me?"

Remus said nothing, staring at the floor. Sirius cried out as he realised what the boy couldn't say.

"Enough! This, this should never have happened! "

Suddenly Remus was on his feet, grabbing Sirius' arm.

"No! Sirius, don't stop."

Sirius gazed at the other boy incredulously.

"You _want_ me to keep violating you?"

"No, but I … I want you." Remus whispered.

Sirius shook his head trying to organise his thoughts into some semblance of sanity.

"Even after today?"

"Today wasn't your fault, and if it was true then…"

"Remus, the entire charms class saw my fondest memory, which just happens to be the time I vanished all your clothes while you were swimming in the lake and then I followed you when you had to run back to the castle naked!"

"A-are you embarrassed by me, Sirius?"

"I could never be embarrassed by you. You're the most kind, gentle, pure, wonderful boy I have ever met. I'm embarrassed by _me_. Me and the way I've been treating you." Suddenly an idea struck Sirius. "I know!"

Sirius grabbed Remus' hand and dragged him down into the bustling common room.

"Everyone! Remus. Would you do me the honour of accompanying me this coming Hogsmeade weekend?"

Blushing prettily (not the humiliated flush Sirius' actions usually produced) Remus nodded emphatically.

"Wonderful."

And Sirius pulled Remus in for their first kiss. He pressed one hand on Remus' cheek while the other gripped the werewolf's fingers. The kiss was little more than a chaste press of lips on lips, but the common room erupted in wolf whistles and cat calls. The two blushed and then walked, hand in hand, out into the corridor. Sirius grinned as he thought about the coming months. He would spend time with Remus. They would hold hands, share chaste kisses, accompany each other to classes. He would send poetry and flowers and bashfully express his feelings. They would start to kiss more heatedly, hands would wander. Eventually, Sirius would be able to rut against Remus' arse and they would both enjoy it. Eventually he would put his hands down Remus' pants and worship the skin underneath. And maybe, one day, Remus would let Sirius see him naked. But it would start here, with a chaste kiss and clenched fingers and a first date.


End file.
